First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
