I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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