Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
