dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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