she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize