mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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