The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
