Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
