Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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