on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
