I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
