You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
