I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
