Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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