from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So much Jack, so little girl.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
