C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do vagina's smell?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
