i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
