This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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