Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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