Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
third nipple confirmed
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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