so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
