Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
