You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
