did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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