Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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