Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Still dying that you shit outside
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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