Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Farmville is her only friend.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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