jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize