Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
