Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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