True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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