can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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