dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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