he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize