One girl and one boy is just not enough.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
