first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
