she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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