At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
