JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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