I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
