Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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