The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
