Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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