Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
