Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
