I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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