So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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