im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize