the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
