My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
