Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
