That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
