69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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