i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
