You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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