she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
