Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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