If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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