we made out on top of his cat.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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