Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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