On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
