And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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