My brain says no but my pants say off.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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