i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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