come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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