I'm pants shitting drunk right now
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
jump out the window naked night went bad
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize