i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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