The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
