if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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