There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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