tell your sister to shave her snatch
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
