We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
