When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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