census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
