I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
