btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
