just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize