Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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