found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
