This girl is more easily done than said...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
