Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
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