I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
