Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
