So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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