The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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