I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
