Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We are all done wearing pants today
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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