im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
