i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
