shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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