im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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