So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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