how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize