Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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