Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
