Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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