If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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