My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
