____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
