HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
