your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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