At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he was CRYING into my vagina
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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