If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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