I need help removing her.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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